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Yngwie J. Malmsteen: Spellbound
14/12/12 || Lord K Philipson
Yngwie.
I could end the review right here. It’s fucken Yngwie, you know. Not only is The Big Y the best guitarist of all time, he’s also absolutely not-giving-a-shit about anyone else but Yngwie. And why should he? He’s Yngwie. Now, with this millionth album of the same solos he’s decided it’s time to do everything. All vocals (oh man, you just wait…), drums, bass, everything. And guitars. Ok, lemme rephrase that a little; he did vocals, bass, guitars, everything else and… eh… drum programming. And those programmed drums is a chapter in itself.
Absolutely hideous.
I’m not talking about the programmings alone, but the actual sound of them. Hideous. Not to mention the actual production that sounds like some half-assed demo from some full-assed idiots located in some basement with a computer and too much knowledge how to actually start it.
It sounds like shit.
And the vocals… Dear Yngwie, oh why? Or actually, I don’t care why. You did it becoz you can and no one was around to stop you, I guess. And it matters not in the end, becoz you are one of my biggest idols and influences and not even your fantastically shitty vocals can make me unlove you. You are Yngwie for crying out loud! Luckily for us, you decided to actually not sing on the majority of the material though. Thank you.
Before I forget, I’ll ask you again (just like I did in this review, but I never heard back from you)… can you please do a guest solo on the next The Project Hate MCMXCIX album? I’ll have your kids. And I fucken hate kids, you know. But I’ll have them. Just for you. Seriously. I’ll grow ovaries and wombs and all kinds of shit to make it happen. I can wear make-up too. Corpsepaint preferably.
After the killer album “Relentless” you give us “Spellbound”, huh? I am not impressed, sad to say. But you know what? No matter the poor vocals, the shit production and the ridiculously bad programmed drums – there’s simply but one* score I can give you – becoz after all – you are Yngwie J Malmsteen, and I will forever love you.
*Had it not been an Yngwie album, this wouldn’t score higher than a 3.
- Information
- Released: 2012
- Label: Rising Force Records
- Website: www.yngwiemalmsteen.com
- Band
- Yngwie J. Malmsteen: God Almighty
- Tracklist
- 01. Spellbound
- 02. High Compression Figure
- 03. Let Sleeping Dog Lie
- 04. Repent
- 05. Majestic 12 Suite 1,2 & 3
- 06. Electric Duet
- 07. Nasca Lines
- 08. Poisoned Mind
- 09. God Of War
- 10. Iron Blues
- 11. Turbo Amadeus
- 12. From A Thousand Cuts
- 13. Requiem For The Lost
